The Barricade of Secrets
by fashiongirl97
Summary: Set during 1x02. What if in that moment Rayna had been honest? What if she hadn't just left the car, and had let events take their course? The Queen of Country has been blind in her marriage, until now. One phone call she wasn't meant to answer, and her whole marriage is broken. Now, even though she wants to act with her heart, can they break through the barricade of secrets first?
1. Chapter 1

**Disclaimer: **_Nashville is not mine_

**Authors note: **_This was meant to be a one shot – it's not. _

_Set after 01x02, and a complete twist on what could have happened in the car, and the consequences that could have had. Enjoy!_

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The Barricade of Secrets

Chapter 1:

"What are we gonna do now?" He asked, his voice was deep and almost gravely as he spoke. Heavily ladened with all of the emotions they had both tried so hard to keep at bay for so long. Emotions that had been securely locked - or at least they liked to think so - in a safe that had been hidden deep within their hearts. But the lock had managed to be broken by just one song, one old song that had transported them back to a time when things were so much different. When they were younger, they acted on how they felt and the secrets that filled the space between them were not there. As he spoke, his voice cracked a little, and even though she was purposefully not looking at him, she was well aware that his self control was breaking. The emotions were putting up a strong fight as they threatened to break though the walls.

"I don't know." She stated, in a voice which was as quiet as a whisper, but which her very own emotions had caused to turn husky. "I don't know Deacon." She spoke again, as her eyes wandered to look out of the passenger side window. Out there, in the city that had called her their queen for so long, and yet now whose faith in her was falling. It was dark; the sky above them had long since darkened to a midnight black, lightly dappled with the occasional star. Street lights were her spotlight now, shining down on the pavements that were where so many songs had been thought up over the years - and not just by her. Those lights reflected onto the glass of the window, meaning that she saw her own reflection. She saw the eyes that had once been bright with enthusiasm, but now seemed dulled by tiredness and wiriness. She saw a face looking back at her that in the last year had aged so much more than she ever thought that it would do. When Teddy had said he'd leave her if she had a face lift, she wanted to do it. Wanted to go under the knife and see if he really had the guts to do so. Without her he had nothing, no father in law to give him a job prospectus, no name among the media. But she wouldn't, and not because she didn't want to - truth be told the small spark that her marriage had once had had long since gone - but because of the girls. They were young, and she wouldn't give them the sort of childhood that she had had.

"There's what I _want_ to do." She said; she _wanted_ to take his hand, kiss him and tell him that everything she had written in that song twenty or so years ago was still true. "And then there's what I _should_ do" Rayna added, because no matter what she wanted, kissing him would only cause another shed load of problems. She _should _leave, open the door and walk to her own car, then drive home to her husband who was waiting.

He turned his head to look at her when he was confident that he had gotten a hold of his emotions. Her fringe was pulled back from her face in one of those French plait things he had seen her do to Maddie a few times. The rest of her hair had soft natural waves in it. Looking at her she looked beautiful - there was no denying that - even when he had seen her at her very worse; hung over in some back street motel that was full of grime, even then she had looked beautiful. But now, there was something else that jumped out at him, more now than ever before, more now than in the last few years. She looked sad, tired, like she had the weight of the world on her shoulders. And that hurt Deacon to see, especially the fact that the sparkle he had always loved so much in her eyes was gone. "Which one ya gonna pick Ray?" He asked her, his voice still rough with emotion, but now tamed just a little bit. Deacon Clayborne didn't know what was going on inside of his former writing partner's head - she'd always been a hard one to read - but as he looked at her now, he felt his heart break. Because realised, more than ever that the life she was living was not the one she wanted. And Juliette Barnes may be the tip of the iceberg, the final push that sends her on a downward spiral.

"I don't know anymore." Was her simple reply, as the auburn haired, Queen of Country, turned to look at her ex-lover. It wasn't the answer he was expecting - he was sure that she would have gotten out of the car and left by now. But instead, she was still sat there. Sure, she hadn't agreed to anything, they weren't making out on the back seat of his car like they had done once upon a time. But it was a start, it was a real start. "It's like; I'm the one trying to keep everybody else's lives happy, and together. Trying to make sure that everyone has a smile on their face and-" She swallowed hard, wiping away a stray tear from her cheek, the only one that has managed to break through the barriers. Rayna looked up to the roof the car, covered in a carpet like material, the same one that was on the rest of the interior. "And yet all this time I'm just stood here, being pulled like a rag doll in so many directions, and my heart - my life - is falling into tatters all around me. And I can't do a damn thing to stop it."

"Ray, you can do anything you put your mind to." He said, bravely reaching out and wiping another stray tear from her cheek with his rough thumb. Deacon's hand then cupped her face softly. Both of them knew what was coming next, slowly their faces inched closer together, until she could feel his breath on her lips. And that was when reality struck and she pulled away. Not harshly, not like she had been burnt by fire as he had expected, but softly, taking his hand and keeping it in hers. "I'm sorry, I-" he began, but she cut him off, shaking her head softly so that her long hair swayed ever so slightly from the movement.

"Don't be, it was me." She said, he didn't reply though, because something told him that she had something else to say, something she needed to say but was trying to get the confidence up to do so. Rayna's eyes were fixed on their hands, and when he tried to pull away she softly squeezed it, and looked at her face in shock. Confusion. She wouldn't kiss him but she'd hold hands with him? Rayna licked her dry lips, before taking a deep breath. "I want to kiss you Deac, god knows I always want to kiss you. And I would do, for once I know that I would do. But-"

"-Rayna." The guitar player interrupted, only to be interrupted by her.

"Let me say what I need to." Her eyes caught on to his, and he nodded. "That argument, you saying I wasn't there for you. We haven't had one like that in such a long time. We- me and you, we were the real thing Deacon. I've spent my whole marriage trying to pretend I love the man whose bed I sleep in and yet I've always know it was a lie. Always known that at the end of the day, he's too much like my father to be the love of my life."

"What are you saying Rayna?" He was confused, he was often confused around her, but for once she was being honest, and he was sure as hell going to make the most of that.

"My marriage, god knows it's falling apart, it will never survive Teddy running for mayor. He doesn't realise it but I do. And I realised something today, that I've been blind."

He squeezed her hand as he watched her speak, staring blankly off into the night as she poured out her heart to him for the first time in years. Deacon could hit himself as he listened, because whilst he had accused her of not being there for him, in reality he hadn't been there for her. She was slowly breaking whilst he'd wanted it all to be a one way street. "What's going on?" He asked, sensing that there was something serious going on.

"Would you let the woman who you are in a rocky marriage with, go on an intimate tour with her former lover. Whom you suspect that she still loves?" Rayna asked him, finally meeting her eyes as she asked the last part. "Hypothetically?"

"No." He answered honestly, because the reality was, who would?

"Teddy is."

"So he trusts you, that's good Ray." Deacon stated. Knowing very well that was not the case, but trying to make her feel better. However he knew what was coming, and his heart broke for her.

"When it comes to you Deac, Teddy doesn't trust me as far as he can throw me." Rayna answered bluntly. From the driver's seat he watched as she closed her eyes and took a deep breath. "He's having an affair - I should have guessed. There was perfume on his shirts, and phone calls, mood swings and then going for mayor. I mean, I thought the perfume was Tandy's, the phone calls were with my father and the mood swings were stress." Finally, she turned to look at him properly. Looking in those beautiful blue eyes she wondered how on earth she had ever left him. He was such a better man than he had been back then, but all of the bits that she loved about him were still there. The witty remarks, the talent, the way he knew just what to say . . .

"I answered his phone after an argument, but didn't check the caller ID, it was her."

"I'm so sorry Ray." He answered honestly, knowing that even though he had never liked Teddy Conrad, Rayna must have loved him a little bit in the first place to marry him. After hearing that, it all began to fit into place, the way she had been possessive over him, flirting almost, and the reflective remarks. He'd thought it was jealously over Juliette, but he realised now that he must be the only adult in her life that she could actually trust at the moment.

They sat in silence for a while, not talking as they listened to the wind blow outside. It was still dark; the bluebird was still alive, although most people were beginning to leave. However in the car it was like time had stopped and neither one of them cared, because this was the longest conversation they had had together in a very long time. She looked outside, thinking of her options, she could end her marriage with Teddy, and the girls would grow to accept it. But was it fair? Then again was it fair to make them live in a house where the atmosphere could be cut with a knife and their parents didn't care to talk to one another? Then there was Deacon.

The man whom was the unknowing father to her eldest child. And that was what was stopping her from kissing him. They had too much past to just start a relationship, and carry on in the way that they had done all those years ago. And yet, if she was honest, that was what she wanted. Rayna wanted things to go back to being how they has been all those years ago. The auburn haired woman was certain that if she had known that the last time in rehab would have worked, then she would never have married Teddy. She would have told Deacon he was a father and they'd be a family now. Or at least that was the way she saw it through rose tinted glasses - it probably would not have worked out that way.

Their hands were still intertwined as he turned to look at her in the darkness of the car. "What are ya gonna do now Ray?" He asked her. And as Rayna's eyes locked onto his, she knew that this was the end of her marriage. That and Teddy couldn't come back from this.

"Deal with Teddy." She said blankly. "Talk to the girls." Rayna added, before looking at him.

"What about me?" He asked her. And she smiled, in a bittersweet way, because she knew what was to come, and he didn't.

"Then, we're gonna talk. I still have feelings for you Deacon, but we can't get anywhere until we deal with all the secrets." She sighed, and looked down. "And then, maybe, if you can forgive me, then we can start over."

Deacon didn't know what secrets she had that he would have to forgive her for. Maybe that was where they had been going wrong for so long. There were so many secrets between them that neither one of them knew even existed. He watched her once more from his driver's seat before she left as she tried to get a hold of her emotions. As she put her walls back up again and prepared to go back to her life that was about to change. Rayna placed her hand on the door, about to leave. But then, instead she turned back and kissed him softly on the cheek. Her lips lingered on his stubble for a few moments longer than they would have done if he was _just a friend. _Both of their eyes flickered closed as the whole of their love story flashed back to them in memories.

Finally, she pulled herself away and opened the door. But their hands stayed intertwined for as long as possible. When the door was closed, and he was alone at last, he felt a mixture of emptiness and hope. His hand was empty, and he missed her presence, yet her perfume had softly diffused into the air of the car. The same perfume she had always worn, a mixture of flowers and fruit. It was one of the few things that reminded him of the old Rayna, the one who had been his writing partner all of those years ago. Because now, that carefree, playful woman was nearly all but gone. And he was slowly beginning to have his eyes opened to just how bad things had gotten in her life. Sighing for what felt like that hundredth time he let his head fall back onto the headrest of his seat. His eyes closed and for a moment he let himself imagine what was becoming a possibility - him, Rayna and her girls as a family.

If only there wasn't the barricade of secrets that they had to break through first.

* * *

Outside, she walked to her car in silence, not saying a word. The heels of her boots clip clopped ever so softly on the concrete car park flooring. The sound that was the icon of the city, or at least one of them. The cold air met her face as she went, causing her the breath in harshly due to the shock it caused to her system. And as she went, she battled the tears, and slowly, brick by brick she began to rebuild her walls that had been so cruelly knocked down into a pile of rubble when she had sung that song in the bluebird. By the time she reached her own car, she looked normal - or at least the way she ordinarily looked these days. Her eyes were still dull, her mouth set in the straight line. But she didn't look like she had been crying.

The leather seats of the SUV were cold, but refreshing. Her hand grasped around the steering wheel as all of a sudden reality came screaming down on top of her and she realised that this was the end of an era. That in the next month or so she was almost certainly going to lose almost everyone she had. She'd lose Teddy to the break up that was on the doorstep, lose Deacon and Maddie to the truth of her paternity, she'd lose what little respect she had from her father when she told them, and consequently she would lose her sister.

But surely it was better to lose them all to the truth, than keep them living lie?

Her hand slammed down hard on the swearing wheel, narrowly missing the horn which would have caused a whole lot more drama. And as she looked at her hand, reddened by the impact, she felt no pain. Instead she made a sound that was a mixture between a squeal and a sob, before covering her face with her hands and taking a deep breath. Slowly but surely, she began to take deep breath and try to get a hold of herself.

Ten minutes later, she pulled out of her parking space and left the car park. As she did so, noticing that Deacon was still sat there. Shaking her head she pushed all thoughts of him backwards. He was to be dealt with at a later date, for now she had to deal with her house. So she drove, losing herself in the winding streets that she knew like the back of her hand. And with every place that held a memory that she passed, she grew stronger. She began to feel like this was the right thing to do. Like what she was doing was what she was meant to do. So by the time she pulled up on her driveway, although she was terrified, she was also confident that she was doing to right thing.

Downstairs the house was silent. It was dark except for a light on in the kitchen, where she knew Teddy would be. Slipping off her boots as not to wake the girls, she gave them one last look before walking away. Teddy had made her promise not to wear them on their wedding day, and at the time she'd thought nothing of it. But now, she realised that had it of been Deacon she was marrying, he would have more likely than not, not cared what she was wearing. In fact he'd have preferred her to turn up in a pair of boots, one of his old flannel shirts and a pair of cut offs. But that was the difference between him and Teddy. Her husband was all about appearances, worrying what others thought of them - what her father thought of them. Whilst the man who had her heart cared more about what was inside. What they were feeling at the time rather than what others were thinking.

In her sock clad feet she walked through into the kitchen, and paced her handbag down on the working top before moving over to Teddy. She decided to give him on last chance; to throw her marriage away was not an easy thing to do after all. So she hugged him, and stiffly he hugged her back. However her eyes were open and it felt all wrong as she looked around the kitchen. "I love you." She whispered, even though it was not necessarily the truth. And that was when she knew that everything was true, that she had been right. Because he didn't reply, instead he just stayed silent. It wasn't because he didn't say how he felt - he said it more than he showed it.

Slowly Rayna pulled back, and looked at him as he stood there, her husband. The man who was standing arm in arm with her father - the man she had spent her whole life trying to be separated from - as he ran for mayor. Who was happy to screw over one of their friends at her daddy's say so. "We need to talk." She said softly. Watching in his eyes as he looked confused at what she was saying.

"Okay." He replied, as though he was willing to do it then and there whilst their children slept in the rooms above.

"Not now, tomorrow. Tandy takes the girls to school tomorrow, you can go in late and I don't have to be at rehearsals until 1100, so we'll talk before." And with that she began to head towards the stairs, ready to go and check that her daughters were safely asleep, before she herself turned into bed for a night that she knew would not be filled with sleep at all.

"What's going on Rayna?" He asked her, all of a sudden his voice taking on a worried tone, as he began to sift through all that he had said in the last few days - just in case he had let something slip without realising it at the time.

"Let's just say I know more than you think that that I do." She stated her voice void of emotion towards him, cold and verging on bitter. Then, when silence spread out between the, she began to walk up the stairs. Meanwhile, back in the kitchen Teddy was well aware now, that his wife knew what he had been doing. Sighing, he ran a tired hand through his hair. And walked over to one of the green chairs that were placed near to the window. Sitting down he pulled his phone out of his pocket and texted his mistress.

_She knows xx_

That was all he wrote. He got no reply, but as he sat there he knew that this was the day he had been dreading. When she found out the whole truth there would be no going back, his marriage would be over. And whilst he knew that it was on his own back, he felt a little guilty, that he had not been the one who was brave enough to do something about what they were going through. He'd accused her so many times over the years of having an affair with Deacon, and yet he knew in his heart that she had never cheated on him. All that time though, he had been cheating on her instead.

Upstairs Rayna walked into Daphne's room first of all, and kissed her blonde haired daughter softly on the head. She looked so much like Rayna's mother when she was asleep. The slightly pouted lips, the confidence, it all came from the little girls grandmother whom she would never get the chance to meet. And as she laid there, Rayna signed, Daphne may end up being the only person she has left in a couple of weeks. The country singer touched her daughter's hair with her hand before walking out of the room, and ever so quietly shutting the door.

Walking into Maddie's room, the mother had to smirk. The little girl - who was not so little any more - was currently asleep on her bed, surrounded by scraps of paper and notebooks. She'd obviously fallen asleep writing. It was something Rayna herself had done so many times when she was out on the road. So, as quietly as was possible, the country singer gathered up all of the paper and placed it on top of her bedside cabinet. She momentarily thought about looking at her daughters work, but then she realised that it was Maddie's heart being poured out onto paper, and that it would be an invasion of her privacy. So instead Rayna just looked down at her daughter and realised how much she had a look of Deacon to her. How he'd never seen it - she would never know, but then again he'd had a reason to suspect.

Once she'd kissed her eldest daughter, in the same fashion as she had done her youngest, she made her was across the landing and into the ostentatious master suit. Within twenty minutes the singer was curled up under the thick duvet in bed. Before she turned the light off her checked her phone, and smiled at the sight of a message off of Deacon.

_You okay? If you need anything then just ask xx_

She traced the two kissed at the end of the message ever so gently with her index finger, wishing silently that he was there to give her the two kisses instead. And although she knew that she was being stupid - after all everyone wrote kisses in text messages - they meant something to her. And she hoped that they had done to Deacon too when he had sent them.

_Yeah, gonna sort it out in the morn when the girls have gone. Might be late for rehearsals though, sorry. And thanks. _

She paused momentarily over the 'x' wondering how many items she should press it. But in the end she just tapped it twice and hit send. It was how many he had given her after all. Placing her phone back down she closed leant over and hit the switch to turn out her bedside light. And as soon as the room had been plunged into darkness, her phone lit up again. But she didn't bother to turn on the light; instead she just read the message and let a small smile make its way over her face.

_Its fine, I'm gonna teach the band Postcard from Mexico anyway. I'll see you tomorrow, good luck xxx_

She traced the three kisses once again, and placed the phone back down again. She closed her eyes, and got ready to send the night alone - she was well aware Teddy would not joining her in bed that night. His charade had been blown; he wasn't going to risk it being blown again. Rayna lay awake; no matter how hard she tried to relax she couldn't - not when her stomach was churning away with nerves. So she turned on her light, and pulled out the worn leather bound notepad that resided there. Blindly she dug out a pen, and set about writing, after all, the best songs were written at the worst of times.

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_Review?_


	2. Chapter 2

**Disclaimer: **_Nashville is not mine_

**Authors note: **_I'm amazed by the love and support you're giving me for this story. It was only meant to be a one shot, but I felt it deserved to be longer, so expect 4-5 chapters in total. _

_Thanks to all my reviewers!_

_Enjoy and please review!_

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The Barricade of Secrets

Chapter 2:

The next morning, Maddie slowly but quietly opened the door to her mother's room, and saw her fast asleep, amongst a pile of paper. The little girl smiled at her, and walked over to the Queen sized bed. "Mum." She said softly, touching her mother's arm. "Mum." She repeated, watching as her mother's tired eyes opened, and she smiled at her daughter.

"Hmm." Rayna softly groaned as she ran a tired hand down her face before slowly sitting up. "What time is it?" She asked her daughter who was holding out a cup of coffee to her.

"Nearly eight. Aunt Tandy will be here in half an hour."

"Dammit." Rayna cursed lightly under her breath.

Maddie just laughed at her softly. "Don't let Daph hear you say that or she'll charge you a dollar!" Rayna just smirked and pulled her eldest daughter into a hug.

"Is your sister up?!" She asked quickly, scared they were all asleep.

"Yeah, I got her up when I woke up; she's sat watching TV now. Dad is in the shower, he slept downstairs?" Maddie asked hesitantly, and Rayna realised that her daughter was too smart for her own good.

"Yeah, we had a fight, it happens Madds." Rayna said, using the nickname only she was allowed to use. Maddie was now sat on the bed with her mother, looking at the song that had been written last night. And as she did, she realised how unhappy her mother was.

"Things are about to change aren't they?" Maddie asked, already knowing the answer. And Rayna didn't have the heart to lie to her - she was too smart for that and too wise for her years.

"Yeah, I think they are." She stated, hugging her daughter tighter. "But whatever happens, I still love you Maddie, I always will and have."

"I love you too mum." And with that the little girl kissed her mother's cheek and left the room so she could get up.

Rayna stayed there for another moment, not moving. But then she took a gulp of her coffee and got into action. Within ten minutes the bed was made, her writing book was placed in her handbag so that Teddy wouldn't see it, and she was in the shower. By the time Tandy knocked on the door at half past, Rayna was there to answer it. Dressed casually in a pair of bleached denim skinny jeans, a baggy shirt that had belonged to Deacon, and yet she'd never wanted to throw away, and her favourite boots. Her hair was dried and tied messily into a bun, whilst her face had just concealer on to try and cover the night which had consisted of no sleep. Her phone was in her pocket, and whilst she had nothing to hide, she didn't want Teddy to read her messages to Deacon.

"Hey." Rayna said, opening the door so that he sister could come in. Tandy was dressed as smartly as ever, and the girls came running down the stairs. Rayna laughed at them both and gave each of them five dollars for lunch seeming as she had forgotten to make them the night before.

"You look shattered Rayna." Said Tandy, whilst the girls were getting their shoes on. The singer ran a hand down her face and closed her eyes.

"I didn't sleep." She reluctantly admitted as she looked at her girls. Tandy raised an eyebrow at her sister, smirking softly at the thoughts that we're running through her head. Rayna didn't get the amusement out of it this time though. Instead she just sighed at her sister and shook her head. "Not because of that either. We had another fight; I ended up writing whilst he slept downstairs."

Tandy took a sisters hand softly, she may side with their father on most things, but that was not to say that she didn't care about Rayna. "Is everything alright?" She asked her. Even Tandy could see that the singer who had once been full of life and fight had changed, that she wasn't happy anymore.

"No, not it's not." Rayna answered honestly, shocking her sister. Turning to the girls she put on a smile and reversed back into her role as mother. "Right come on, up, up, up!" She said, and the girls both did as they were told, grabbed their bags and coats, hugged and kissed their mother, and then made their way outside to Tandy's car.

"How bad?" Her sister asked her, and Rayna just sighed softly.

"I guess I'm about to find out." She stated, as she turned to look at Teddy who was stood at the doorway to the kitchen. And with that, Tandy left the house and set about taking the girls to school. Meanwhile, Rayna and Teddy were about to have a conversation that was certainly about to chance all of their lives undoubtedly.

* * *

"What do you want to talk about Rayna?" Teddy asked from where he sat on a bar stool on the other side of the breakfast bar in the kitchen. Her hands were currently wrapped around a mug of streaming hot, extremely strong coffee. Her eyes had been fixed on the bubbles at the top which were spinning around the mug in the centre. As soon as he spoke she lifted her tired eyes to look at him. Glaring at his arrogance, trying to save his own ass even when he was well aware it was well and truly on fire.

"Seriously? You're playing dumb?" She asked her voice remained calm though, she was way too tired for screaming and shouting! And if she was honest with herself she didn't care enough anymore to argue. Their marriage was going down the drain, what help would another fight do?

"What do want me to say Rayna?" He asked. Unlike her his voice had already risen by a few octaves. He was sitting there, fixing his red tie so that it covered the white top button of his shirt. She just rolled her eyes at his comment as he went about fixing his brown hair. He looked like a politician, clean shaven and neat and tidy. She remembered he'd gone through a phase of not shaving when they were dating, and all she'd been able to think was how much better Deacon looked with stubble.

"How about you just admit that you've been screwing someone else behind my back." Bitterness rode heavily in her voice as she spoke, looking up at him she realised that she felt more alive talking to him now that she ever had done talking to him. When they argued he always gave in, maybe he'd actually try and defend himself for once. But then again that was probably asking too much of him. When she and Deacon had argued the whole world knew about it. He'll Bucky had often left when they argued, telling the band to take a couple of days off because the pair would not be talking. To one another for a while. But they always made up, making up was so good at she was pretty sure there had been a few times when they'd argued just so that they could make up. With Teddy though, it felt monotonous.

"Fine Rayna, I've been sleeping with someone else. Let's not pretend like you haven't thought about it!" By now his voice was almost shouting. He'd left his bar stool seat and was stood up, pacing around the room. But she didn't move, I fact she stood in exactly the same position, blew gently of her steaming coffee and took a sip like it was any other conversation.

"How long has it been going on for?" She asked after a moment or two of letting him stew in the silence. He'd never been good at silence. She liked to every now and again, in her industry it was all about the sound, everything was bright, and sparkly, and loud. So when it was silence, she could think it especially like diamonds, like gold - so precious and rare. But he liked to fill it with talk, like he already didn't know enough about her.

"Does it really matter?!"

"Yeah, it does. How long have I been blind for Teddy? A week? A month? Two?" She prompted softly. Her eyes back on her coffee as she watched it again. The murky brown liquid that kept her awake more days than not. It was almost tidal after being placed down, the liquid swaying from side to side as she watched it.

"Three years Rayna!" He shouted. And she looked up, winded; the air had been taken out of her. She was not expecting that. She'd thought six months at most. The tears were burning behind her eyes, threatening to spill over. But she was not going to let them. He would not see that he had broken her - she was too strong for a weak little man like Teddy Conrad to break. "Three God damn years Rayna!"

"I guess you're gonna blame me, huh?"

"Well I sure as hell wasn't the one who was swanning off all over the country for half the year!" He shouted at her, he was in argument mode, angry and annoyed, and driven on more by the fact that she didn't even seem to be the slightest bit bothered. She was acting like she'd given up. "You were off with Deacon, singing and being your daughters' idols, whilst_ I_ was the bad guy! Whilst_ I_ was the one who was doing everything at home - so we had a home. I _never _resented you for it. But _now_ I do! I can't physically do this anymore-"

"-You make it sound like I've had the sodding life of Riley Teddy!" She interrupted, talking harshly in the same tone she used on the girls when they were in trouble. "If it weren't for me we wouldn't have this house! We wouldn't be where are today. You think it was easy for me, missing on them growing up? Not being there for their school plays or parent's evenings or dance recitals? Because I tell you something, you should try it every once in a while!"

"You know what Rayna, maybe I will." Both of them looked away from the other. Half of her was waiting for his soppy apology, as he expected things to go back to normal. But the other half of her knew that she as t going to get that. It had gone too far this time, and both of them knew that. This would be the end, if he didn't make it the end then she would do. "I can't do this anymore."

"Neither can I." She stated, wanting to hit him when he laughed at her comment.

"I'm not gonna leave her."

"Then you leave me." There, she'd said it; she'd given him his ultimatum, now it was up to him he could choose his mistress or his wife and family. However, after hearing how long he had been fooling around for, she knew that she couldn't find it in herself to take him back. Because if he didn't have his play thing then what would things be like? Even more monotonous? She couldn't cope with that.

"Fine, you'll have the divorce papers by the end of next week." He said about to leave.

"I mean it Teddy. I'm not just saying it, this is it. No more. We finish this here and now, I go on with my life and you go on with yours. We only meet when it's to do with the girls." She stated, seriously.

"You know what Rayna?" He said laughing to himself. "You think I'm some spineless _twat. _Well I may have been when you married me, but I took your _father's _advice. And I grew a pair. It's over, I'm off to the court house and I'll have filed by the end of the day!" And with that he left, just in time too, because if he had stayed in the nose one more moment longer, she would have happily slapped him, if not punched his lights out.

She didn't feel a thing about what had just happened as she looked at the clock and saw that she was late for rehearsals. In fact, she didn't feel a thing the whole way from her house to the rehearsals. As she pulled up she was still on auto pilot, going through the songs she wanted to play for the new tour they were panning. As she made her way into the building, the singer didn't stop to think that at that moment her husband was walking into the court house.

Her feet carried her swiftly thought the corridor, and as she neared where it was she needed to be, she finally slowed down. As Rayna turned the final corner, that was when she saw him. Standing there laughing with the other two backing members of the band for the tour. She paused as she saw him, only then did it hit her. Not immensely, but deep enough to make her want to cry. He had a smile on his face as he turned around and saw her. Then, he saw the look that was hidden discretely in her eyes and knew she needed to talk. Rayna began to walk past him, until he had another idea.

After politely excusing himself from the conversation - which none of them minded, after all they all knew that there was history between the lead guitarist and the singer - he grabbed Rayna's arm, not harshly, but just enough to make her follow him, pulled her around the corner and into the storage cupboard. Once the door was closed and the light on, they were finally alone. The history of the situation passed them by though, both too caught up in what was going on. Once upon a time they had dragged one another into cupboards, empty rooms - any space they could find - and it was not just to talk. But now the situation had been flipped on its head. As Deacon looked at the singer he saw the hurt that was in her eyes. He saw that she was tired, and not just physically.

He'd never been especially good at comforting people, it wasn't his strength. So instead of saying anything just yet he pulled her small frame into her and hugged her. At first she was stiff, and then it was almost like she had remembered that it was only Deacon and that for him she could let her guard down. So she relaxed, and hugged him back, burying her face gently in the crook of his neck as she did so. The smell of his aftershave, mixed with the scent of his washing powder and something that was just him. It was a heady combination, and she realised that it had been a long time since she had hugged him like this. In fact, she was pretty sure that the last time around she'd probably been able to smell whiskey more than anything.

Both of them closed their eyes, loving the closeness that they had missed for so long, and that Rayna was pretty sure she wouldn't get again once he found out the truth. Slowly she pulled back, knowing that although she wanted to just stay like that all day, she couldn't. She was tired, and fed up, but she was at work. "You okay Ray?" He asked her softly, even though he knew that she wasn't, it was his prompt for her to tell him.

She softly shook her head, and sat down on the floor instead of standing. He joined her not even a moment later. She stayed still and silent for a moment, listening as people passed by the door, not aware that two people were even inside. Deacon moved his arm so that it was around her shoulder and so that she was pulled close to him. Anyone looking in at the gesture would have thought it a cliché romantic move, but they would be wrong. He knew she wanted them to get back together, but he also knew that before that happened she would need to grieve for her marriage, and that hat would take time. She sighed, and moved her head to his shoulder. Rayna knew that his arm was placed there because he wanted to support her in the best way he could. Even if he didn't know what to say.

"It's over Deac, all over." Her voice was hoarse with emotion, but the reality had not crashed down on her enough for her to cry. He remained quiet, instead choosing to soothingly stroke the top of her shoulder with his thumb. "Turns out it wasn't something that he'd been doing for a month or so, he'd been fooling around for three years. I mean, how _stupid _must I be?! To not notice?!"

"You've been trying to keep your family safe Ray, maybe you chose not to notice because you didn't want to have to break your girls' hearts." He said softly, looking down at her face and seeing just how tired she looked. "Who asked?" He questioned, meaning the divorce.

"He did. Pathetic really, he couldn't even defend himself when I asked. He's over at the court now, filing to end out marriage as he speaks. And the sick thing is, that he'll still expect the girls to do campaign photos, want me there to make it look like it was _civil_!" She almost spat the word out. "He can shove it where the sun doesn't shine." She spoke, in a barely audible whisper.

Deacon pulled her closer, and kissed her crown ever so gently. She closed her eyes and felt herself relax, wondering if he had been there last night then if she would have slept. They stayed in a comfortable silence for a while, waiting for the moment when they had to stand up. It was her phone that broke the silence, she dug it out of her pocket - half tempted to ignore it until she saw that it was Bucky. Pressing answer she put it to her ear.

"Hey Ray, where are you?" He asked her in a worried tone. She was barely ever late for rehearsals, so there was no wonder that he was concerned.

"I'm coming now Buck, I've have some stuff to sort out, I'll be there in a minute." Was her response, whilst her head remained rested on her guitarists shoulder?

"Deacon isn't with you is he? He's gone missing too."

Rayna had to think fast, but knowing her manager would jumps to the wrong conclusion she decided to lie. "He just walked past me actually, I'll go and get him and we'll be with you soon."

"Alright, see ya." He replied and she hung up. Turning to Deacon she saw him laughing at her, and she playfully slapped his arm. Both knew that it was one of the lies she had used in the only days when they'd snuck of to do something a little more sinful. Rayna just hoped that Bucky didn't have a memory of the excuse; otherwise he would be thinking that they were at it all over again.

"Come on, I think I've found you." She's aid with a smirk, knowing that he had been listening in on her conversation. Deacon then stood up and helped her do the same, before he opened the door and checked the coast was clear. Once he was sure it was Rayna left the cupboard as well and they made their way to see Bucky. It was the same way they had been cautious in the only day after they had been caught sneaking out at the same time years ago.

It felt like they were nearing that chemistry though, in the last 12 hours they had become closer than they had in a very long time and it was all down to 'No One Will Ever Love You', they definitely owed that song not only their careers but their relationship now. Walking down the corridor, Rayna felt herself walking closer to Deacon than she had in years, it was like the thing that had stopped me getting closes was now gone. But it hurt her to think that in a month or so they would be worse than they had been in years, and he would hate her more than ever before.

Deacon opened the door into the large rehearsal space for Rayna, and she walked in, smiling at him. She seemed happier than at first, but she was still hurt, and he wasn't sure what it would take before the true reality of her situation fell down on her. "There found are!" Said buck as he walked over. Deacon went to go and grab his guitar whilst Bucky passed her the ear buds. "You okay Rayna?" He asked her softly.

She couldn't lie to him, but at the same time, if she told him there and then, there was a large chance that she would end up just breaking down in tears. So she brushed off the question for the moment. "I'll talk to you about it later." And Rayna was sure that he would hold her to it. He never had been one for letting her get away with things. Every diva moment she had come with a bashing from him, every time that her buds on the floor he would throw them back at her. That was why she hadn't ended up with an ego the size of that of Juliette Barnes'.

"Right come on then." He stated, deciding it was time to get on with rehearsals. "Let's start with postcard to Mexico."

And so the country singer made her way up onto the shallow stage, and took her seat next to Deacon, they had decided that they would play the venues sat down, on shallow stages so that the audience felt that it was more intimate - just like it was meant to be. Deacon, looked at her and she smiled, before he counted them and in, and she waited to sing the line. It had been a long time since they played these songs, and she just hoped that they would be able to do them the justice they once had been able to do them.

And slowly, they began, Deacon playing the soft cords, whilst the band joined in. She looked over at him; it had always been one of their favourite songs. Smiling he began to sing and she joined in on her part. "One day." He started, his voice rough and husky, just the way they had always sung it. Like it was a secret that needed whispering.

"I saw him walkin'" she joined in, slowly getting into the swing of the song again. Her voice soft, like she was reliving the memory. And in a way she was, she was reliving the memory of when they wrote it.

"On the street." He said, smirking as he remembered them writing it, covered in expensive silk bedding. And so they carried on, both of them smiled softly. And from where Bucky stood, he thought to himself that there was a chance this tour would work. The chemistry was still there, the song still had its meaning, and if they could do 'No One Will Ever Love You' as well as someone had told him they did it last night, and then there would be no problems.

Deacon strung the final chord, and they both smiled, saying well done to the band as well. They turned the Bucky, who gave them a reassuring smile. "Can we do No One?" He asked, abbreviating the title of the song. Deacon nodded, checking his guitar was tuned right for it. Rayna nodded but she looked a little scared. "You okay?" He asked her, moving his mouth away from the microphone so that not everyone heard what they were saying.

She just nodded, letting him know to carry one. Briefly he grabbed her hand and squeezed it softly. She nodded once more, and Deacon began too strum the introduction to the well know song. And slowly, when the time was right, Rayna joined in. "Don't you try to tell me someone's waiting.

They're not waiting for you." She sang, fighting back the emotions. For once it wasn't Deacon that the emotions were relating to, for once it was Teddy. The lyrics made her feel like she was nothing, like she was the pathetic one. "Oh and don't you try to tell me that you're wanted. That you're needed. Cause it's not true." And at the end of the first verse, it finally hit her - just as she had been waiting for it to do so. Suddenly she realised that her marriage was over. That her family was about to break apart, and in a month or so, she would lose Deacon. She was about to be alone, about to have no one.

Then she felt the tears burn, and as Deacon began to sing the chorus she momentarily froze, and then, she stood up, grabbed her bag and walked out of the room. Everyone stopped, and watched as she went. A look passed between Deacon and Buck, before the guitarist put his guitar down and stood up. "Take the rest of the day off." He said to the band. "Go over the music I gave you and learnt it. See y'all tomorrow." And with that he too left the room. The band turned to the manager and he too nodded - telling them to do as they were told.

* * *

Rayna stood outside the building, around the back, where there was no car park. Slowly taking deep breaths she tried to calm down, but she couldn't. All she kept hearing was Teddy saying "Three years." Again and again and again. Looking up at the sky, she tried to get rid of the tears, but she couldn't. They came, flooding down again. And all she could do was try to wipe them away before she ended up looking like an idiot.

"Rayna." She heard a voice say from behind. Turning, she saw him, and before she could blink his arms were wrapped around her, and she was sobbing into his shirt. Soothingly he ran a hand through her hair. Doing what little he could do to comfort her. She just needed to let it out for a while, and so at was what he was going to let her do.

They stayed there for about twenty minutes. When she had finished crying she kept on hugging him - needing the reassurance that there was someone in her life who actually cared about her and how she felt. Or for the moment did anyway. In the back of her mind she was well aware that something would change, a lot would change.

Bucky walked outside, and looked over at the pair hugging one another. He was hesitant to interrupt, but he knew that there was something bugging Rayna and he wanted to know what it was. So he subtly coughed, wondering to himself whether the spark between the two stars had lit up again, or whether it was just the fact that she was hurting that had brought them closer together. He hoped that it was more, he hoped because it hurt him to see their relationship being torn apart.

Rayna and deacon parted ways, and looked over at Bucky, smiling softly. Her manager noticed the fact that Rayna's eyes were tired and she looked as though she had been crying. It worried him, because Rayna Jaymes was the strongest woman he knew, and he had only ever seen her cry a handful of times. "Hey Buck." She said softly, smiling as he walked towards them.

"What's going on Ray?" Asked the older man concerned, and she just sighed, walking to the wall so that she could lean against it. Deacon didn't say a word; he knew that it was up to her to tell him. After all, he didn't want to interfere in her life. She was independent, and his stepping in would only infuriate her – something he had fallen victim to on a number of occasions and didn't wish to do so again.

She sighed softly, ran a tired hand through her tangled red hair and closed her eyes momentarily before deciding that Bucky had been there for her through everything. He'd stood by her as she checked Deacon into rehab every time, as she had her diva moments, her pain in the ass moments and the times when she didn't even want to be at work. So, realising that this meant it really was the end of her marriage, she took a hold of her emotions and told him. "Teddy is filing for divorce." She stated; plainly. "He's been having an affair for three years, and I can't forgive him. Neither of us is happy."

"Rayna I'm-"

"I don't want sympathy Buck, that's not why I'm telling you."

He hugged the red head, and she hugged him back, loving the fact that he was there. Then he pulled back and smiled at her. "Take her home Deacon, and look after her. We'll talk about the tour at a later date." And that was almost his consent that if they wanted, then they could be together. As Bucky walked away, Rayna was almost certain she saw a glint of mischief sparkle in his eyes.

Once more, Bucky was playing Cupid.


	3. Chapter 3

**Disclaimer** _I Don't own Nashville_

* * *

WARNING  
This chapter contains content about ADDICTION, ABORTION, DRUG ABUSE, and DEPRESSION

* * *

The Barricade of Secrets

Chapter 3:

Just over a week had passed before she decided that the time to tell the truth and face the consequences that it would most certainly bring back with it. Because she had lived in the shadow of a lie for too long, and even if the darkness that came with the truth was worse, she wouldn't be scared of the secrets any more. For the past week, she'd been spending the time at home, writing the songs that had made those who were her idols become famous. The songs that came from heartache, heartbreak, and loss, but worse than that pain was the pain she'd experienced when she had told Maddie and Daphne. Teddy was avoiding them at all costs after the argument, in fact when she had returned home that day when Deacon dropped her off he'd already removed all of his clothes. And so, she'd had to tell them alone.

Daphne's heart had broken, but she'd pretty much left as soon as she could. Watching a film in her room; she was young, and already had adjusted to the change. Maddie had sat down with her mother later on, and asked for the full story. Asked her for what was really going on, and so Rayna told her the truth. Trying as hard as she could not to give her a biased story, but that was hard. And Maddie had been a bit withdrawn since. But last night she'd hugged her mother, and told her she didn't blame her.

"_Maddie, there are things I have done in my past . . ." Rayna said, sighing softly. She would tell Deacon first, and then, when he was ready they'd tell Maddie together. But for the time being, for the truth would stay at bay. "Choices I have made that I shouldn't have done. Things I would take back if I could. But you know I can't, we can't erase them."_

"_I don't understand." Said Maddie; her brow furrowing in confusion, her nose wrinkling up slightly in the same way that Rayna's did when she was confused._

"_I just want you to know, that I always did things to try and do the best for you – to try give you the best life I could."_

"_I know, mum – always have. And I love you too." Rayna smiled at her not-so-little girl, and hugged her tight, hoping that she wouldn't completely lose her to the mistakes she had made. _

Now Rayna sat looking out over the street, wearing a baggy soft jumper with leggings. She was warm, but she wanted to be, it made her feel secure even if the weather outside wasn't cold. Sighing she looked down at her notebook, reading the lyrics she had casually jotted down over the last couple of hours. She and Bucky had decided to postpone the tour for a while, knowing that she needed to be at home with her children for the time being. And that was something the manager could understand.

Hopefully, when the tour went ahead, Maddie and Daphne could come along, and maybe even open up to some of the intimate shows. But for now, Rayna knew she had a lot of things to consider. The girls were staying with Tandy tonight – an attempt to give them a break from everything. Rayna's father was stuck in the middle, but Tandy had firmly sided with Rayna. Something the sister was very pleased about.

Picking up her phone she texted Deacon, asking him to meet her at their place. The park they used to meet up in back when she was young and trying to escape the grasps of her father and his dismay with her career choice. So that was the only place she could contemplate meeting him now. It would be quiet, deserted since most people had forgotten about its existence. But then again, that was what she wanted. Her finger hovered once more over the send button for a few minutes. All she could think about was how everything would change, how he would hate her so much.

A tremor set through her hand, and she pressed the button. That was it, the message was sent and she had to go and tell him the truth. Sighing and wiping away the stray tear which had formed at the thought of losing him, she stood up and went in search of her boots. Fate had decided that it was time to tell him the truth. And in her heart, she too knew that it was.

XXX

She sat there in the small park, on the wall looking around at the place that had fallen whiteness to so much of her life. She remembered her mother had brought her here when she was just a child. Tandy had been spending the day working with their father – she always was a daddy's girl. So Rayna's mother had grabbed her guitar and her youngest daughter and brought her here. Back then it had been popular with buskers. You used to be able to walk around and with every step you would hear a different beat. It used to be alive with the same beat that the city had.

Rayna and her mother had always sat in the same place, near the back of the park under a big old weeping willow tree. Sometimes her mother's 'friends' would join them – Rayna was always too young to think anything of it. But they'd sit there, playing the guitar and making up silly little songs, or covering the ones they couldn't get out of their heads. Somewhere in Rayna's house there was a picture of them both – Teddy had moved it. They were smiling and laughing . . . and she was like a child, and her mother was happy.

Sometimes, after her mother's death Rayna had snuck out, grabbing her mother's old guitar and made her way down here. She'd sat under the same tree, playing softly and learning from watching others. At first she'd been alone – her mother's 'friends' had never been interested in her. But then, as she began to grow older, she'd only visit on occasions, but she'd make her own friends. Play with them and laugh and joke, whilst he sister played the golden girl.

And as Rayna sat there now, looking around the place, she felt like she had left a part of herself in the park. Never in her marriage had she brought Teddy here, not once. But, even when it was no longer the thriving choice of buskers in Nashville, she and deacon had still visited. They'd sat there, and played even when both were famous. And maybe that was why she had had such a loyal fan base. Maybe, it was because at heart she was still just a little girl playing guitar with her mother.

But this place, it wasn't like that anymore. Occasionally an old face would walk through it, remembering the times, or plucking familiarly at the strings of the guitar. Yet the soul of it had gone. One day, one day Rayna would gather the buskers, and make it back to what it had been. She'd throw a festival – well, she'd always said she would do.

But she'd always imagined that Deacon would be beside when that time came around.

"Ray?" Deacon said hesitantly as he walked towards her, noticing that she was sat there swimming in her thoughts. Like a light switch had been turned on, she looked at him, pushing the memories away for the time being. This was more important now.

"Hey." She said softly, smiling at him. The sun was shining against her auburn hair as she sat there, making it look like a mixture of shining gold and bronze. Her eyes looked sad, withdrawn, but they shone in the sunlight, letting him have a glimpse at the woman who he had once been so close to. When he'd seen her text, Deacon had left his guitar on the sofa and gotten in the car in five minutes straight. Because he would always come running to her and something told him that she needed to talk.

"Hey." Deacon replied, looking at her and smiling softly. Rayna couldn't stop the small flutter in her heart as she looked at him, with his plaid shirt, old jeans and boots. They looked like a proper country couple and it hit her that she'd lost that image lately. Somewhere between the massive arena tours and Juliette Barnes, her boots had been traded in for heels, and the pretty lace dresses and plaid shirts for skimpy glittery numbers. And she decided that when she next spoke to Bucky, she was going to tell him that they were revamping her image, or rather stripping it back.

They sat there for a while, Rayna building up confidence, and Deacon not pushing her. She moved closer and put his arm around her, so the singers head rested against his chest as they both looked around the deserted park. "Do you remember when we used to come here?" She asked him, smiling sadly as she thought of what she was about to lose.

"How could I forget Ray, we used to write songs then try them out on the buskers." He said, smiling familiarly, thinking more of how Rayna had looked back in those days. "Sitting beside you in them cut of shorts that used to drive me mad, your old boots that your daddy tried to throw out that one time, and one of my t-shirts or shirts. Damn Ray, that's a hard memory to forget!" He heard her laugh a little, and it made him smile, because it had been a long time since he had heard that sound.

"You weren't too back yourself!" She said and he just laughed.

"We made quite a couple." Just that one offhand comment nearly made her not tell him, but as she closed her eyes and fought the emotions that threatened to overspill, she knew she had to. Taking a deep breath she pulled away from him. Deacon looked down at her, confused and worried as to what was going on. "What's up darlin'?"

"I think it's time we deal with them secrets Deac." She said softly, and he just nodded, as she looked down. But what she did next surprised the hell out of him. She leant forward, and captured his lips, at first it was soft, hesitant, but just like in the old days it soon became full of fire and passion with a duel for dominance. And when they parted, both missed the contact but were in need of oxygen. "Wow Ray, what was that for?"

"Because once I've said what I have to, you won't want to do that again – ever." She said, honestly it had been a spur of the moment thing, something she had just had to do because he was so damn good looking as he sat there. In a way it was for old time's sake.

"Rayna, what is so bad you are so scared of telling me?"

"Promise me something? That no matter how angry you are, or how much you hate me, you'll let me explain it fully. You'll stay quiet until I'm done?"

"Promise." He said, holding out his pinky so they could seal the promise, and she laughed ever so softly to herself.

"Okay." She said, looking off into the distance for a moment, before she began, knowing she wouldn't be able to look him in the eye as she broke his heart and made his whole world come crashing down around him. Taking a deep breath she began, hoping he would understand, but knowing at the same time that that was just a dream. "Deac, you have to know, that if I had known that the last time in rehab was going to work, my whole life would have been different. But that last time, it broke me into a million pieces. Bucky watched me go on a downward spiral; I was dating Teddy – because my father wanted me to. And I figured that maybe I should give him a second chance – he's my father after all. But what only Buck knew was I was depressed and- god my life was a mess."

Deacon looked at her, shocked, tears ran down her cheeks and he wanted to say something, but he had promised he wouldn't.

"And, then Bucky forced me to go to the doctors, get something to help me cope- sleeping pills anything! And they did a blood test. And I was 3 months pregnant." So far, that was not a shock to Deacon. "The thing was, me and Teddy hadn't done anything, and there was only one person I had slept with."

"Me?"

"When I got the news I wanted to come see you, tell you everything, and then-"She wiped away the tears rolling down her cheeks. "And then my father found out, and all the happiness was gone. I was sat down in the kitchen by Teddy, Daddy and Tandy, and given two choices. Choice one was a termination – the pills were on the counter ready for me to take." She sighed again, remembering the day. "I got up, told them to get lost and began to walk out, only to open the door and find the police stood there. Daddy told me to sit down, and he'd explain. So I did, and he said it again, and I told him I was keeping this child."

Rayna paused, taking numerous deep breaths. Deacon had his fists clenched as he listened annoyed at the fact she had been pregnant with his child and not told him, but more so at Lamar. "So then he told me my other option. That I keep the child, Teddy and I get married, and we say that it is his. I told him he could shove it where the sun doesn't shine. Then he pressed play on the TV, and . . . it was a sex tape of me and you, it was a video of us drinking, of the one time I smoked a joint, and it ended with a picture of us sat there passed out with an empty bottle of Vodka. It was all taken out of context. My father said it would be released to the press; I would be arrested for recreational drug use. My career would be over Deac, but I told him no. Told him I would rather have a happy life with you and our child."

She was nearly sobbing, and it broke his heart, but he was too annoyed.

"Turns out my father had expected me to say no. So he swapped the tape, and pressed play again. This time it was of you, all of it was of you. There was a sex tape again, with me, and the other girl you dated before me. There was a video of you buying drugs, numerous times. Videos of you going to rehab every time, of the fights you got in, of the drink, of you drinking between songs. Deacon it was of everything we hid from the press. He told me that _both _would be released to the press. You would be arrested and he would get your sentence extended. He would make sure you never worked again – not even as a cleaner. And I knew he wasn't joking.

"I asked him what he would do if I got up and walked out, he said that in the driveway was a reporter. That by the end of the day it would all be out there. I knew you'd get sober one day, and when that day came I wanted you to have a life worth living. So I agreed.

"Once you were out of rehab I'd had our child – Maddie. So I went to see my father, and told him I was going to tell you, he pulled out the tapes, said that with the way the internet was improving the consequences would be even worse. I went home and Teddy slapped me, told me he had made the biggest sacrifice any man ever would, and I was ungrateful. I was still depressed, so I believed him."

She finished and wiped her red face clean of the tears, wiped them away but they kept on flowing down her face faster than she could stop them. They just came silently. And as she looked at Deacon she saw a tear roll down his face. The anger had gone, but the betrayal, and the hurt was still there. "Why are ya tellin' me now then Ray?" He asked her, monotonously.

"Because I've had my eyes opened. There is nothing left that my father can take from me, my career is on a downfall, Teddy has disappeared, and now you know – you won't want me. And with every day that passes you miss more of her life. I should have told you a long time ago."

"Does she know?" He asked after a couple of minutes of silence, and Rayna shook her head.

"I was thinking, that maybe, when you have accepted it – I know you won't be able to forgive me – but once you have come to terms with things, then we could tell her, together. If you were there, and we give her a toned down version, then maybe she'll understand it better." Rayna stated, looking down at the floor, there was a gap between them now. Like forces had pulled them apart.

"I want to forgive ya Ray, I want to be able to say it doesn't matter, that I understand and would have done the same thing. But I can't, maybe one day – I hope one day. But right now, now I need to think." He said, and she just nodded.

"Okay." She said. And as she looked at him. "Deacon, I'm-"

"I know you are." He said, looking up into her bloodshot eyes. And she nodded. Leaning forward she kissed his cheek ever so softly.

"Don't so anything stupid Deac, hit me, hate me, avoid me, just don't wreck everything you've worked so hard for."

And with that, she gave him a lingering look, and walked away. Leaving him sat on his own in the park, as she walked towards her car. But she went the long way, and round to the weeping willow. Rayna couldn't remember the last time she went to her mother's grave. After all she knew that the woman who had been such a free spirit would hate the black marble headstone in a formal graveyard. So this was where she went. And as she looked at the tree she closed her eyes, trying she stop the tears. "I wish you were here mum, I'd never be in this mess if you were." Because whilst her mother had not loved her father, he had been able to control him – something no one else ever had been able to do.

And because she had been unable to do so, Rayna was now paying the price.


	4. Chapter 4

**Disclaimer: **_I don't own Nashville_

**Authors note: **_This story is getting some mixed reviews. All I want to say is that in this chapter Rayna is emotionally vulnerable, but that is how I picture her being. After all, she is about to ruin the lives of everyone that she loves. _

_I hope this is okay, sorry if you don't like it, but this is just my interpretations!_

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The Barricade of Secrets

Chapter 4:

A week slowly went by without Rayna and Deacon speaking, and she told no one of what she had said to him that day. She carried on her life, had her divorce papers handed to her, and signed that part of her life away. Rayna looked after the girls, spoke with Bucky about her image, and just took a week out of her hectic schedule to do what had made her want to sing in the first place – write.

But when the girls had gone to school on that Friday, Rayna stood there in the kitchen of the Belle Meade mansion, and realised how much it was killing her inside. Teddy had stated in the papers that she could remain in the house as long as the girls were with her. But when the time came for her to sell it he would take 50% of the money. It was fair enough, and in all honesty the divorce had not been a hard one. Neither wanted to see the other, and both agreed to all the things that the other stated they wanted. Thankfully the press had not gotten wind of the divorce, so Rayna was to go on Ellen next week and breaking the news of her marital issue so that she could sugar coat the reality – something the press, if left to their own devices, would not do.

So as she looked around the kitchen, coffee cup in hand, she realised just how much she needed to talk to someone. The girls were at school, Teddy was gone, and the house felt too big and lonely now. She knew that talking to Bucky would only mean that she had to explain the situation to him, something that right at that moment she wasn't ready for. But that one day, she would have to do. So seaming as Tandy had been on her side throughout the divorce, she hoped that she would stay on her side through this. Rayna grabbed her phone from the counter top where it had been plugged in charging, and texted her sister, asking if she was home and they could talk. Once she'd pressed send, and the message bubble had turned blue she placed the phone on the counter and her hands returned to their former places around her coffee cup.

Rayna sighed softly to herself, her mind trailing to Deacon – as it had been doing so much lately. He'd taken the news so much better than she had thought that he would – at least that was how she had read the situation at first. She'd expected a screaming match, but now as she thought back she began to wonder if he hadn't taken it as well as she had interpreted him to do so. If he was keeping all his anger pent up inside, then maybe it was going to result in something that they wouldn't be able to come back from. And it hurt her to think that all of this could have been avoided, if only she had been strong enough to stand up to her father and her husband all those years ago. But she had been so young, and she'd been emotionally broken to a degree that it seemed irreparable.

The phone lit up from its place near her, and she smiled to see her sister's confirmation that she could go over. So Rayna made her way upstairs to grab a jacket. After weeks in her scruffy clothes Maddie had sat her down in a very mother like way and told her that if she didn't wear something other than baggy sweaters and Deacon's shirts then she would throw them all out. So Rayna was instead dressed in a cream lace topped dress with a skinny tan belt around the lace. A dress she had owned for years but always loved too much to throw away. The singer grabbed her favourite boots and put them on, before grabbing a neutral blazer and her bag. Before she left she picked up her phone and grabbed the car keys off of the side.

Rayna was scared to tell her sister what she had told Deacon, because all those years ago her sister hadn't stuck up for her. But she was ready to take the risk, because no one else knowing was absolutely killing her. And she needed Tandy's opinion on what she should do. Over the past week she'd sat there looking at Deacons number so many times, nearly ringing him. On Thursday she'd even stopped by the Bluebird to see if he was playing, only to find that he wasn't. Part of her had been ready to call Coleman, but that would just make him think that she didn't trust him. That she didn't have belief in his capability to remain sober.

The car journey over to her sister's house was filled with the sound of country radio playing ever so softly. But she wasn't listening; the songs were ones that she knew off by heart anyway. And as she drove she watched all the people go by through her sunglasses. The thing was she didn't need them so much anymore, the press weren't bothered about her, but it was habit.

If her father threatened to release the videos this time around, then he could, because she had been under his thumb for too long.

Rayna pulled up outside the house, got out, locked the car and made her way to the front door and knocked. "Hey." Said Rayna at the sight of her sister. She must have the day off because she was dressed in casual sweats and a t-shirt as oppose to her signature formal suit.

"Hey you look real pretty." Tandy stated, hugging her sister before opening the door wider to let Rayna into the house. "So what was so urgent?" She questioned worriedly, looking at her sister and through the immaculate exterior. Her eyes were duller, and worried, there was a tan line on her left ring finger where her wedding ring had formally been and there was their mother's old cross around her neck. She was in a transition between the past and her future.

"I need a coffee first." Rayna said, making her sister laugh and lead her into the kitchen.

* * *

Twenty minutes later the pair were sat in the snug room around the back of Tandy's house. The French doors were open giving them a view on the well kept garden around the back. Both were sat on the same sofa, at opposite ends mirrored in the same position. "So, what's going on? From the beginning."

Rayna sighed softly, wondering how her sister was about to react to the news. She knew that she wouldn't approve, half the reason she had had so many arguments with her father back when she was sneaking out to meet Deacon were because Tandy had told him that she was doing so. Her sister was about to blow a casket. "The night before Teddy asked me for a divorce I went to the bluebird and sang with Deacon." She said, considering how much she should tell her sister and how much she shouldn't. But it would all come out in the end; and it was better that it come from the horse's mouth.

"Yeah I know!" Tandy said, playfully glaring at her sister. "It was all over the radio, along with rumours you were holding hands and left together. They true?" She asked, playfully though. After all she couldn't blame her sister, Rayna had found out her husband was having an affair.

"Yeah, they're true. Then when we were sat in his car trying to figure out what we did next, we erm . . ." She blushed a little. "We nearly kissed, and I realised how much of a mistake I had made, because I was still head over heels in love with him." Rayna leant her head against the back of the sofa and sighed softly, looking at her sister's face. There was sympathy all over it, because she knew the reason that Rayna and Deacon couldn't be together. "Then, when Teddy told me he wanted a divorce, he was there for me Tandy. After everything he was by my side looking out for me, and he wanted absolutely nothing in return."

"Ahh Rayna." Said her sister, taking the others hand as she watched her fight back the tears. "What are ya gonna do?"

"It's what I've already done you're not gonna approve of." She stated, and Tandy's eyes widened, her imagination going wild with the possibilities. "I met up with him last week; I kissed him – properly kissed him."

"Rayna!"

"-Then I told him about Maddie, about what Daddy's ultimatum was and why I didn't tell him." She diverted her eyes as she said it, not wanting to see Tandy's disapproving glare. But instead she felt her sister squeeze her hand so softly. Both of them were beginning to fully come to terms with what exactly was going on in star's life.

"Jeez Rayna! I thought you were going to say that you slept with him!"

Both of them laughed, smirks on their faces when they calmed down. "That was what I wanted to do!" Rayna exclaimed, before the room fell silent neither one of them knowing quite what to do as they relieved the day that Rayna had been threatened by her own father. Both feeling guilty about the situation although both for completely different reasons.

"I should have stuck up for you." Said Tandy, as she looked up at her sister. "I don't know what I was thinking, I just . . . I guess I was scared too." Rayna didn't tell her sister it was fine, because it never would be. That night had drilled a huge hole in their relationship, one that even now they were still trying to repair. Rayna looked over at her sister and smiled sympathetically. Both of them were almost sobbing as they sat there. "What about the tapes Rayna, I don't know if he still has them but, I mean he could still wreck your life!"

"There is not much he can take from me anymore that I haven't already lost. My marriage is over, Deacon probably hates me, and my career is about to collapse in on its self anyway. All I have left is the girls, and when Maddie finds out the truth, I might not even have her."

"When are you going to? Tell her I mean."

"When Deacon is ready, I want him to be there." Said Rayna, tears falling once more at the thought of the man who had stolen her heart years ago and never given it back. They fell silent one more, the sound of the birds outside the only sound in the room. Both sipped their coffee in the same way, but with completely different tastes. Tandy's was milky and sugary whilst Rayna's was black. Tandy's was a drink of choice, whilst Rayna's was of need to keep her awake.

"Rayna, how bad are things with your career?" The sister asked her softly. There wasn't much she could do to help, but business was something she knew inside out, and she was pretty sure that between her and Bucky they could get Rayna Jaymes back at the top of the charts. And together they would beat Juliette Barnes' ass.

"The album isn't selling, we haven't had one song in the charts, and the tour is selling half empty venues." Rayna Said, sadly, it was the thing she had lived for, for so many years. Now though, it was barely staying afloat, and that was breaking her heart.

"I can't do anything about Deacon, Teddy or much about Maddie, but I can about your career. I'll get in touch with Bucky, I have a few ideas." Tandy stated, with a glint in her eye. Rayna smiled broadly at her, before hugging the sister tightly, she was siding with Rayna. It may well be nearly 15 years too late, but better late than never after all.

"Thank you." Said Rayna; as she realised that she may just be able to keep her career. After all, there were not two people more qualified to save a sinking ship than Bucky and Tandy, and maybe, just maybe, there would be a dart from cupid between them too.

* * *

It was two weeks later when things were about to change once more in the Country singers life.

Rayna sat at home, writing for what felt like the millionth time in the past month. Tandy and Bucky were ignoring her calls, and when she had gate crashed their meeting she had been kicked out by security. They were planning something, and it scared her. Tandy was her sister, and Bucky was her manager, the problem was that both of them shared the same wicked sense of humour. So what it was that they were doing completely baffled her. All she knew about whatever it was they were doing, was that they thought that it would save her career, and if that was what they believed, then she was no one to doubt them.

Sitting around the back of the house, she was almost surrounded by silence. Summer was slowly fading away, so she'd decided that whilst she was practically on holiday, she would enjoy the sun. However, she would still write, after all the one time she had seen Bucky he'd shouted after her "Go write me a new album!" So that was what she was doing, sitting in her garden.

Rayna had gotten her guitar which she hit away in her wardrobe – so the girls didn't ask her to play – and had it on her knee, strumming the few chords that she actually knew together. Playing guitar had never been a priority, she played enough so that she could get the beet and the tune for her songs, but other than that she'd never had the need to play. Rayna had always had Deacon for that after all.

The thing about being in her garden though, was that she couldn't hear the doorbell, and when she was writing she went into her own little world.

"Our love was like an old t shirt,  
cut off shorts, and whisky down by the lake,  
sitting in your truck as the summers sky ran away,

"Our love was like rolling in the grass,  
skinny dipping in the lake, playing all night long.  
Like freight train rolling down a hill with no breaks to stop,  
Our love was, our love was . . .

"We'd sneak out every night when my mama was home,  
You'd drive me in your truck, and we'd sing along with Hag,  
Then my mama found out and put bars on my window,  
So I snuck out the back door.

"Our love was like rolling in the grass,  
skinny dipping in the lake, playing all night long.  
Like freight train rolling down a hill with no breaks to stop,  
Our love was, our love was . . .

"Our love was not what they write in fairytales,  
It was what they write in country songs,  
Our love was, our love was . . .

"Our love was." She sang to herself, softly hitting the notes as he finger played the soft chords she knew, flicking with ease from G to C, throwing in Am and the odd D. She was in her own world until he stepped in, finishing the last line for her.

"Our love was like everything's right when in fact it's all wrong." She thought that his voice was in her head, and she smirked to herself, then she heard the footsteps muffled by the grass and her head shot up like Jesus himself was stood in front of her - because he may as well have been. She hadn't seen or heard from Deacon in 3 weeks, and if she was honesty she had expected not to in a lot longer. But there he stood in front of her. "Sure makes for a pretty song Rayna." He said his hands in his jeans pockets and looking around the garden as though trying to decide just how he was going to react to her.

She smiled softly at him. "Could sure use some pretty chords to go with it." Rayna's reply made him smile, because in all the years they had been together, music had always been how they communicated things. Their songs had told one another how they felt before they could say it without the need of music. He smiled at her, and she smiled back, but the distance between them wasn't just physical.

"I knocked, but when you didn't answer I-"

"-It's fine." She said smiling. "Bucky and Tandy are planning something to save my career, I've been kicked out-"

"-And the girls are at school."

"Yeah." She said, smiling at the way they were finishing each others sentences. "You want some coffee? Only if you want though, and I do actually mean coffee, nothing else." She rambled, nervous that he was there to tell her something she didn't want to hear.

"Thanks." He said, and she stood up, making her way to the house in her bare feet. He watched her go, admiring her figure as she did. She wore a denim skirt that was slightly longer that she used to wear, with a black vest top and an oversized red plaid shirt with the sleeves rolled up to her elbows. She looked amazing – as she always did. Her hair naturally curled and tied in a ponytail, with the guitar on her knee she had looked like the woman he had fallen in love with all those years ago.

He didn't follow her into the house; instead to sat down near to where she had been sat previously, smirking he picked up her song book and smiled at the lyrics written in messy script like handwriting. He began to flick through the book, not reading the songs, just the titles. And as he went, he realised it was the same book she had had all those years ago when they had written together. Some of the pages still held his hand writing, and he smirked again. Before turning back to the latest song and picking up her guitar. As he strummed it he laughed to himself, she'd never learnt to tune a guitar, although she could sing any note, she had no ear to tune.

Once the guitar was tuned her began to play the song with a few more tricks than she had. As Rayna walked out and watched him, she smiled. Rayna walked over once more, and sat down beside him, their voices joining and harmonising as they sang the chorus. He gave one final strum and she smiled to herself, resting her head against his shoulder, before realising what she had done and sitting up. "Here." She said, handing him a black coffee. The same coffee she drank, one they had come to love at the same time.

"Thanks." He said, nodding softly as he placed the guitar down. "You off back down the completely country route?" He asked her, feeling as though he had not been beside of her for one of the most crucial moments in her career.

"It's time I dusted off my boots and started doing what made me want to see the crowds in the first place." She stated, watching his face and trying to find out if he agreed with her or not.

"I think it sounds good." Deacon said, smiling at her.

They sat there, both sipping their coffee and looking around the garden, trying to figure out what they were going to do. Deacon took a deep breath and ran a hand down his face. He'd spent what had now nearly been a month in his cabin up in the woods, going through every emotion that was known to mankind. And he was still annoyed with her, but it had finally hit him that Rayna had been dealt an impossible hand. She'd tried to protect everyone, even if it had ended up coming back to slap her in the face.

"I think it's time to tell her." Said Deacon, looking over at her, smiling ever so slightly.

"Are you sure, I don't want you to feel like you have to."

"I haven't forgiven you Rayna, I wish I had, and I want to, I really want to. I – I just think that maybe if Maddie can forgive you, then maybe I can be well on my way to doing so too." She looked over at him, smiling ever so softly and trying not to let her emotions show.

"Thank you." She said.

"And I think we should do it as soon as we can."

"Deacon-"

"Rayna you told me almost as soon as you could. And that means a lot. So you need to let her know as soon as you can."

"Daphne is staying for tea at her friend's house; she won't be home until half six to seven. Maddie will be home at three. So if you want-"

"-tonight would be great." He smiled at her, looking at his watch first, it was nearing two. They had an hour, and there was a guitar in front of him – Deacon could not resist. "So, this song . . ."

* * *

She hit him softly on the arm, smiling as she did so. They'd finished the song, noted down the beautiful chords Deacon had put together, and now they were just messing around when they heard Maddie's voice. "Mum?!" She shouted through the house. Rayna and deacon shared a look, as though confirming the other still wanted to go ahead before she stood up and went to go and see her daughter.

"Coming Madds." She shouted back, smiling as she saw her daughter dressed in her school uniform. They waited a good half hour before they sat her down to change her world. The garden was tidied and Maddie greeted Deacon, but she knew something was coming, especially when they all sat on the sofa in the living room. Her mum was on one side and Deacon on the other. The girl eyed the pair wondering what on earth was going on.

"Maddie, you know the other night I said to you that I had made a lot of mistakes in my life." She said, looking down at her daughter.

"Yeah…" Maddie stated, waiting to find out what was to come.

"Well there is one big one I need to talk to you about."

"Okay."

Rayna sighed, and looked at Deacon, his yes told her to not even think about backing out, but she wouldn't and deep down he was well aware of that fact. "You know that me and Deacon dated years ago before I dated your father. And well . . . Maddie I don't know quite how to sat this."

"What's going on?" She asked, her voice scared.

"Honey, you have to understand that I had no other choice, people – I'm not telling you who – threatened to ruin the lives of you and Deacon-"

"Mum, what are you talking about?" She said, her voice louder.

"Madds, Teddy isn't your father, Deacon is." The little girls face dropped, as shock filled her. Maddie began to laugh, hoping it was some stupid joke.

"This is a joke right?"

"No, Maddie, it's not." Deacon said. "Let your mama explain."

Maddie looked towards her mother who was wiping away tears that threatened to spill over. "Me and Deacon we were over when I found out I was pregnant. He was doing his own thing-"

"- I was in rehab Maddie, and it wasn't the first time. I couldn't handle my drink, but I can now, okay? I'm sober; it just took me a long time to get that way." He looked at Rayna, telling her to continue, she was thankful for him telling her. She hadn't known how to, and she had felt that it wasn't really her place anyway.

"And I was dating Teddy. But I knew you couldn't be Teddy's. I was happy, and I intended to wait for Deacon, and we'd bring you up together. But _circumstances _didn't allow that. I was told that if I didn't bring you up as Teddy's, all of our lives would be ruined - you wouldn't have had a happy childhood like I hope you have had."

"And you knew about this?!" Maddie asked Deacon.

"I only found out a couple of weeks ago."

"And you're in the same room s her?! She lied to us, for a_ll _of my life! Everything is a lie." Maddie said, beginning to cry as she stood up. "How are you here?!"

"Maddie, I was so annoyed with your mum, I was hurt and upset and felt everything you are feeling now. But then I realised that all she did was try to protect us. What your mama did wasn't to hurt me, or to hurt you or anyone. She did it to try and keep us safe."

Maddie moved to the opposite sofa and sat down, thinking things through, she was annoyed, but she also could kind of understand. Everything went through her mind in that moment, every argument she had ever had, everything she had ever thought. "Is this why da-_Teddy_ left?" She asked, looking over at her parents.

"No, no Teddy left because of me, because our marriage wasn't strong." Rayna stated, looking at her daughter and feeling her heart break.

"And because he was having an affair." She muttered under her breath. Moments passed by, and then she looked at Deacon, the man who had always been like family and now whom she had found out actually was family. "Can I stay at yours?"

"Maddie I-"

"Just for tonight. I don't want to hurt you mum but I need to think, and I would kind of like to get to known him – in a fatherly way I guess."

Rayna nodded, blinking the tears away, and looking at Deacon. "If it is okay with you Deac?"

"Sure, go grab your stuff sweetie." He said, and she nodded before walking away. When she was gone Rayna leant forward and put her head in her hands, swallowing the sobs which were in her throat as she thought about everything. Deacon pulled her into him, he may not have fully forgiven her, but he knew she needed him now, and she'd always been there for him. Now it was time for him to start stepping up.

"She'll forgive ya Ray. We both will, it just takes time." She just nodded, still trying to beat her emotions. Part of her wanted to scream out 'why should you have to forgive me?!' but she knew that would be selfish. Everything had fallen down around her, and now she was left with just the shards of her life around her.

She pulled away from Deacon and walked off towards the kitchen to splash some water on her face, and as she leant back against the counter, she sighed, and bit her lip, feeling the pain rush through it made her feel less numb, and she did it a second time, bringing herself down to reality.

"We're going." Said Maddie from the door a minute or so later. She had her bag on her shoulder, and looked sp small and vulnerable. "I've got all my stuff for school tomorrow and Deacon says he'll take me. Tell Daph I'll ring her later and that I'm at a sleep over."

"I will do, I'll let her have a film night, probably end up watching Cars for the millionth time." Said Rayna, smiling softly at her Daughter, who smiled lightly soon. Maddie looked down, not knowing what to say to her mother.

"I'll see you tomorrow." And with that she went, and Deacon appeared, he didn't say much, just that he'd keep her safe, and then she was alone again, and Rayna fell to the floor in a heap of tears. She had just about lost everything. And her heart was in a million pieces.

When Daphne came home, she hugged her daughter, because she was one of the only things she had left in her mad life. And then they watched their films; Cars, Cars 2 and Planes. Maddie stayed with Deacon for two nights as it turned out, and when she came home she was different – more mature but separated. And slowly they began to try and pick up the pieces of their lives.

Rayna only saw Deacon when he came to get Maddie, and she finally learnt what Bucky had been planning. This was her life. And she had finally broken down the barricade of secrets, but in doing so, she'd also broken the hearts of everyone around her, and shattered her own.

Rayna did her interview on Ellen, and her words touched a nation. "To say life isn't fair, well that is one hell of an understatement. Life's a pain in my ass."


	5. Chapter 5

**Disclaimer **_Nashville is not mine_

* * *

The Barricade of Secrets

Chapter 5: Epilogue

Late November that year . . .

The sun was bright as it sat high above the city, its bright rays providing little heat on the brisk day below. Trees were quickly losing the rough gold and red leaves that had clung to their branches for the past few months. Those said leaves now softly covered the pavements and grass beneath, giving the city one last blast of colour before the dark winter cast over. Christmas lights were being put up all over, the grey wires covered in small bulbs ready to light up on the first of December. Christmas Trees were being cut down and delivered.

One this particular Saturday there was quite a buzz amongst the people. The country beet that pounded at the heart of the city seamed stronger as families got ready to unite and remember just why the city had been but so firmly on the map to begin with. Today was the day that the first annual festival would be held by Rayna Jaymes. A festival that would not only mark remembrance to those stars who had made it over the years, but to those buskers who stood on the city's streets say in day out, keeping the city's title of 'music city' firmly in place. It was a thumbs up to those who would be making music in ten years time, who would make the music that Rayna would hear on the Radio when she was long since retired.

That was what Tandy and Bucky had been conspiring to arrange.

Tandy had known for years – whether Rayna knew it or not – that he sister dreamed of holding a festival in the park that their mother had so loved. Tandy also knew that it was something that might just get her name more prominently known among younger country fans. The fans that bought the records as soon as they were out, bought the tickets to shows almost immediately. And so, she told Bucky. He sat there and listened to her, and as soon as she mentioned it he could have hit himself for coming up with the idea himself. Because it was the perfect thing, and so was the timing. Juliette was having some nail polish, petty theft drama. She was vulnerable, and it was the perfect time for Rayna to swoop down and take her crown back.

So, today was the first annual 'Buskers festival' in honour of Virginia Wyatt – Rayna's mother.

The posters had been all over the city since the first of October, vendors had been contracted in to sell all the food anyone could want, and Rayna had finally been told. As soon as she had been she'd hugged them both. And that was when her involvement began. Since the first of October the singer had hit the wallowing in self pity on the head and started appearing on every news channel to gain a response for the festival.

Maddie was now back at home, and although things at first had been icy, they'd finally sorted out. One night, when Daphne was in bed and after Maddie had spent the day with Deacon she walked into her mother's room. She'd sat on her bed and waited for her to emerge from her wardrobe in her pyjamas. The brown haired girl had massively grown up since the day her mother had told her about Deacon. Maddie had decided that she was going to reduce the amount of time she danced for, and instead was practicing her guitar even more. That was a gift of Deacons she had definitely inherited. Every time Rayna walked past her daughter's room she had seen her playing guitar.

But the changes were evident in other ways too. When things were still icy but not frozen, Maddie had told her mother she wanted to redecorate her room. Which of course meant Daphne did too. So, in the half term holidays they had set about the task. Deacon and Maddie, along with a few of Maddie's friends had painted her room whilst Daphne, Rayna and Tandy painted the youngest girl's room.

Maddie got rid of young feeling, instead choosing a pale turquoise for three walls and a lightly flowered paper for the fourth. She'd spent her money – unbeknown to Rayna- on decorative items, and what was now the pride of her room; a guitar stand. The room was that by no confusion of a young artist. But then there was still the soccer kit and the ballet pumps. But it was the new Maddie, and that was something Rayna was going to let her be. She wasn't going to dictate the girl's life.

That evening, when Rayna had walked back into her room in an old t shirt and shorts she had found Maddie sat with her lyric book. And Rayna had seen the image of herself so many years ago. Without meaning to do so she had made Maddie go through something almost as bad as she had had to go through when she was younger.

* * *

"_Hey." Rayna said softly, as she walked over to the bed, tying her hair up into a loose bun as she did so. Her feet padded almost silently across the wooden flooring that sent chills up her spine. She sat down on her bed next to her daughter. _

"_Hey." Said Maddie, a small smile passing across her face in a sad way. _

"_What's going on Madds?" she asked her daughter, using the affectionate nickname in a hope to try and build a bridge between the pair of them. One that was in desperate need of construction. _

"_I've been thinking, about this whole . . . thing." She said, deciding that 'thing' was the best word to use to describe the current situation they were in. And Rayna just nodded to her daughter, telling her to carry on in her own time. "And erm . . . I think I've kinda been a bit of a b-twit." The girl said, stopping the swear work from coming out. She didn't want to get told off by her mum when she was trying to repair things. _

"_Darling you haven't been a 'twit' at all." She said, smirking at the quoted word, knowing exactly what her daughter had been about to say. _

"_But I have. I just reacted; I mean . . . I didn't even stop to think what you must have been going through! And then I just went with Deacon like he was some God! And that was . . . how can you forgive me? I mean some of the things I've said to you, how have you not slapped me?!" Maddie asked, tears streaming down her face as the reality of the past couple of months hit her. When she had first returned from Deacons she'd been more annoyed than Rayna let on to anyone. She had shouted at her mother, but Rayna only told her off lightly, because she knew what it was like to hate one of our parents – or at least talk yourself into believing you hate them. _

_Rayna leant over the bed and pulled her daughter into her arms, hugging her tightly. "Sweetheart, I would never slap you! Ever! You said what you said because you were hurt, and I forgive you, darling I forgive you a million times over. The question is can you ever forgive me?" Rayna asked, tears forming in her own eyes as she looked down at her daughter. Maddie just softly nodded her head before hugging her mother. Sure she was still annoyed for being kept in the dark, but there is only so long that you can last without a hug from your mum._

* * *

Rayna stood in her bedroom, looking in the mirror as she did her makeup. Tandy was coming to pick up the girls in half an hour so that they could spend some time at hers before going to the festival. Rayna needed to go and see the festival, make sure that everything was right. Or at least that was what she was telling herself.

The night before Daphne and Maddie had chosen her outfit for her, telling her she had to 'look like the Queen of Country', even if it meant that she was pretty much going to freeze her ass off. So that was the reason that the country singer was dressed in a white dress which had a thin layer of white flowered lace over the top. The dress fell just above her knees and she had on a pair of skin coloured tights in a hope to keep her warm, with her favourite boots, a skinny belt and a thick, oversized, red plaid shirt over the top. Her hair was softly curled away from her face. While her makeup consisted of mascara, a thin line of eyeliner and dusty eye shadow, with a lip gloss shimmer. Standing up she looked over at her outfit and decided that her girls certainly had good taste in fashion. Smiling she grabbed her mother cross necklace and the thin bracelet Deacon had bought her for her birthday a lifetime ago.

"Girls your aunt will be here soon, you ready?" Maddie had decided she was taking control of her and Daphne's outfits, so Rayna was surprised when her youngest ran into her mum's bedroom wearing a red dress with long sleeves, boots and her hair wavy from sleeping in plaits. "Mum will you tell Maddie I don't _need _a coat?!" The little girl asked her mum, putting as she folded her arms. As if on time Maddie walked into the room carrying her sisters light brown short suede jacket that Daphne had insisted she have, and feverishly declared she would wear non-stop. Two weeks ago.

"Nuh-uh, not happening Daph. Your sister is right." Said Rayna, smirking as Daphne pouted once more and sat down on her mother's bed. Rayna looked over at her eldest daughter and smiled to herself. Maddie looked amazing, and it hit her mother how much she really had grown up. Maddie's hair was swept up into a loose bun; she wore a green and black plaid dress with a long black scarf draped around her neck, ankle black cowboy boots and a black leather jacket. "You look pretty Madds." Rayna said making the girl blush as she handed her sister the jacket in question.

"Thanks." She said.

"Hey, what about me?" Asked Daphne as she put her own jacket on.

"Well now you have your jacket on you look less of a scruff." Rayna joked, making the little girl pout once more. "Right, your aunt will be here soon, get your things together and grab your passes for the festival. I'll be down in moment." And with that they both left the room. The day was about to get started, and what a day it would be.

* * *

By the time Rayna arrived at the park, there were crowds of people waiting outside, al waiting to pay their $4 to get inside. Half of them carried bags and boxes filled with guitars and such, ready to play under the trees and earn some money. The whole idea was there would be a small plat formed area where Rayna would make a small speech from and later on perform from. But the rest was just buskers, some who she had asked specifically and had their own designated stop – those who were already inside – but then there were those who had gotten wind of the event.

"Hey." Said a voice as she stepped out of her car. It was Bucky, there to great her.

"Hey Bucky." She said, hugging the older man before making her way inside the park. It was a bittersweet day as she walked inside. She wished that her mother could see the place so alive again after years of it being silent and hidden away. "Wow!" She stated, looking at the crowds of buskers already tuning guitars and setting up drums.

"It looks good right?"

"It looks amazing!"

"Well you'll be proud to know there are rumours a few stars are heading over here later one, Eric Church, Tim McGraw, Faith Hill, they all tweeted about it." Said her manager with a proud smirk on his face.

"Wow." Was all she could say. "Right, what do you want me to do?"

"Sound check, and no diva moments." Said Bucky, she just laughed, saluting him and making her way over to the sound crew.

* * *

Hours later the place was filled with people, Maddie and Daphne had arrived with Tandy but she hadn't seen them yet. The place was packed and it felt brilliant. As she walked onto the platform, the scene took her breath away; everyone was listening, singing and dancing. Looking to her side Bucky nodded, telling her to begin. She'd caught sight of a few stars, noticing their appropriate disguises to try and hide their identities. "Wow!" Said Rayna into the microphone catching people's attention, as the crowd began to clap. "This is amazing, I am so blown away! Y'all are awesome!" Once more the crowd roared, and she grinned. "So today is really special for me, my manager and sister sprung this on me, and I am so honoured that they put the time into organising this. So let's give them a round of applause."

Rayna grinned once more, turning to the serious matter. "Many many years ago, this place thrived like this every day, buskers made their money here, and young artist practised. It's a place my mother loved; this festival is in honour of her, and everything that she lived for. It's not about those who have made it in the past, nor those who are making it today. Today's about those who will make it tomorrow, in years to come. That is what we celebrate, those who will keep Nashville being the city of music in decades. Thank you, now go and tip those who you enjoy, and I'll see you later."

The crowd went wild and Rayna smiled as she stepped off stage, catching sight of Maddie, Daphne and Tandy making their way over to meet her. The country singer smiled her beaming smile when she saw them, unable to contain the pleasure that the day was bringing her. What made her smirk was that Tandy was dressed in a green pencil skirt, blouse and jacket but was wearing boots just like Rayna's. It may not be her scene so to speak, but she had made an effort.

The mother hugged her daughters and sister before Daphne began her excited ramble. "Oh my gosh! This place is amazing, there are so many people! And I saw popcorn, and hot dogs and burgers and pizza and candyfloss and ice cream-"

"-Darlin' you have enough energy without a load of sugar."

"Mum!" Daphne sighed whilst Maddie rolled her eyes, searching around the crowd for a face she knew.

"What d'you think about it Madds?" Rayna asked her eldest, pulling her into her side and hugging her softly. The girls face lit up as she looked at her mother, finally happy after everything their family had been through.

"It's pretty cool." She said, looking around at everyone once more. "Wish I had my guitar though."

"Ya can get mine outta my truck." They all looked over to see Deacon emerging out of the crowd. Maddie moved away from her mother and ran over to hug her father. And it made Rayna's heart swell at the sight in front of her. Because; finally, father and daughter were reunited, and they were happy. Daphne soon ran over as well after deciding that she had been left out of the mix.

"Maybe if you have Deacon's guitar the pair of you could put on a performance before you go." Rayna said, looking at her sister who was smiling. Both of them knew this should have happened a long time ago.

"Really?" both asked almost in sync, and Rayna quickly eyes Deacon, realising that she needed to get his approval first, something she was going to have to remember from now on. The guitar player subtly nodded and Rayna replied her her daughters.

"Really."

* * *

They walked around for a while, but eventually Rayna managed to separate herself and go to her mother's tree. She'd gotten permission to get a plaque put up on the tree, and it was there now. Moving the branches out of the way she made her way under the cover. She smiled at the small brass plaque, one most people would ignore. It was shaped as a butterfly and inscribed with:

_Because this is where your spirit always was, and always will be mum,_

_R x_

She walked forward and softly traced the lettering, closing her eyes and listening to the sound of the guitars playing not that far away. She'd tried to make sure that people avoided this part, only a few picnic blankets were around. Standing back she took a deep breath and thought of what her mum would say if she saw the festival. She'd have loved it, even more because her two girls had worked together to get it together.

Minutes passed unbeknown to her, and Rayna felt a presence behind her. It was mid afternoon by now; the sun was already beginning to set because of the time of year. Turning she saw Deacon and she couldn't help but smile. It had gotten to the point where no matter what happened, she knew she would cope. All she wanted was for him and Maddie to be happy together. "I thought I'd find you here." He said softly in his southern accent. She turned to face the tree again.

"She'd have loved this." Was all Rayna could say. He'd never met her mother, and whilst her father had strongly disapproved of their romance and still did, she'd have been planning a wedding before their six month anniversary.

"That's why Tandy did it."

"I know." Her sister had never been as close to her mother as Rayna had been, but that didn't mean that she loved her any less. Looking around, it proved that no matter how different they were, they'd manage to overcome everything.

"Maddie and Daphne are having some candyfloss with Tandy and Bucky, I swear Daph has worms! She's constantly hungry!" the guitarist joked light heartedly as he moved to stand closer to Rayna.

"You're telling me?! She eats me out of house and home!" The singer smirked, loving the fact that they were able to laugh and joke even after everything. They fell silent, Rayna looking over at the plaque, her thought varying off to her mother until Deacon took her hand and squeezed it ever so softly. Rayna turned to look at him, shocked at the fact he had done to gesture. He just looked into her eyes, the way they were sparkling with a mixture of happiness from the day and sadness because of the fact her mother was not there.

"Ray, I. . ." He began, looking down to the floor. She didn't respond, not knowing what to say until she knew what he was asking. He began to think, yet unless he was writing music his ability to convey what he was feeling was not great. So instead he leant forward and captured her lips in a soft kiss that was as light as a feather. When he pulled back hr noticed her eyes slowly flutter open.

"What was that for?" She asked, when she felt like she could finally construct an actual sentence.

"This whole thing has taught me one thing; that I've wasted too much time." She furrowed her brow into a frown, her nose creasing ever so slightly as she did – something Deacon found adorable. "I'm on my way to forgiving ya Ray, in fact . . . I know it'll take time, but maybe we could try again? The barricade of secrets had gone, and . . . and that always was our issue, aside from alcohol."

"You mean it?" She asked, suddenly realising just how close they were stood. So close she could smell his aftershave, the sweat smell of candyfloss still hiding on his breath and feel his breath tickling her lower lip.

"Yes Rayna, I mean it." And as though to further convince her he kissed her, and it wasn't long before she was kissing him back. They only parted when air became a predominant issue, and even then they remained close, their foreheads touching.

"Then there is nothing else I would like more." She said, softly placing a chaste kiss on his lips. He was about to take that kiss further when Bucky's voice broke the moment, they moved apart but not quickly enough for Bucky not to catch them.

"Rayna, time to take to the stage." He said, a slight smirk playing at the corner of his lips as he said so. Catching the flustered faces and sparkles in their eyes.

"Okay." She said, smiling brightly at Deacon. Rayna, Deacon and Bucky then made their way over to the stage and she walked back up. Once more everyone looked over at her, and she smiled even brighter at them all. "I've been told I have to sing, so, I figured that I may as well try out a new song." They all cheered and she began to see just why this was a good idea, because people seemed as though they actually cared. "So, I'm bringing and unaware Deacon on, and we're going to sing you one of our new songs, 'our love'."

Deacon went on stage that afternoon, and they sang together. The crowd fell silent, because it was a kind of intimacy that very few artists ever managed. The odd celebrities dotted around felt a wave of what was almost jealousy. Because they all wished that that was what they were able to get. They went down a storm, and Bucky decided to have them in the studio the next week to record it.

Maddie and Daphne went on stage, both amazed to be in front of such a big audience. Smiling massively they sang a cover of 'Ho Hey', with Rayna and Deacon doing backup vocals. Everyone cheered, and Bucky once more asked the mother of two if she was sure she didn't want them to record an album.

The rest of the day was spent as a family, and as evening fell and hot dogs were finished, they all made their way to the car park. "Thanks for the guitar Deacon." Maddie Said, hugging her father and handing it to him. She'd been allowed to play for a while with her sister, busking under the watchful eye of their mother. So that was why Rayna bag felt significantly heavier due to the amount of change it was filled with. All ready t be divided between the girls when they got home.

"You're more than welcome! I'd best watch out, you're mum will want you as her guitarist next." And Rayna just looked at him with raised eyebrows, warning him to stop encouraging the girls whom already wanted to take to the limelight.

"Not finished college yet." She stated, reiterating her original agreement with her daughters. Tandy watched her sister, seeing how different their lives had turned out. She didn't have half of what Rayna did, but if she ever did then she'd be more than happy.

"Hey girls, how d'ya fancy me and you two have a film night. I seem to remember someone telling me that Tangled was on tonight, and I've still got some candyfloss left." The older sister said. She'd noticed the change between Rayna and Deacon, and wanted them to be able to spend some time together so that things didn't start on a down low.

"Yeah!" They both said, turning to their mother again and looking at them with hopeful eyes.

"If you're sure." Said Rayna, she hadn't missed the tension between her sister and Bucky, the last thing she wanted was for them to be intruding. But the look in her sister's eyes told her that she wanted to relish in being an aunt whilst the girls were still young. Today had made both women realise how short life was, and how fragile. Because it seemed not two minutes ago the sound of their mother's guitar ran through their fathers house.

"Yeah, yeah I am. It's about time my house saw some life." She said smiling. "We'll give you a lift Bucky." Tandy said, hugging her sister and smiling at Deacon before the girls said goodbye. And as the car drove away Rayna turned to Deacon. Both were smiling and she could help but laugh.

"So, what now?" He asked her smirking.

"Well, looks like I'm free for the night." And that was all the encouragement he needed.

"My house, twenty minutes. Right now." And with that both got into their cars and headed to his place. Neither expected anything from the evening, and neither wanted anything . . .

. . . Nothing other than making the most of a lack of a barricade of secrets.


End file.
